The story of my life…
After secondary school, I was trying to be like my friends who had boyfriends giving them money and that was how I started becoming discontented. Then I met a guy called Murphy. We started talking and became intimate but we talked about having sex and though we did every other thing, we said we would not reach that limit. Unfortunately, we exceeded our limits and that was how I was disvirgined. I was just 17 years of age and I felt a lot betrayed because I trusted him and broke up with him. Then I felt that since the whole essence of sanctity had been destroyed there was no more reason to keep off from sex. That was the line of thought that led me to this promiscuous life you are reading about.
So after I was disvirgined, I started going out with Dele. I thought I could use him as a moneybag but Dele was sleeping with me and paying my transport fare back to where I was coming from; leaving me no extra money. Imagine that I would leave my house as early as 6am just to go and have sex with Dele and get N300.00 back in return. So of course frustration began to set in and after some time, I was abandoned by Dele. I really cried but had to carry on with my life.
Guys began to come around, all of them posing to love me with their life but since I was young and naïve I thought having sex was love. Akeem came, Femi came, Tope came e.t.c (I may not be able to remember all of them). They all had their way (I mean I gave it to them) but nobody stayed to show me love. They all came, slept and left. Everyday was getting more depressing but I desperately needed to be loved so I took any rubbish. Then Muyi followed, then suddenly my supposed Prince Charming walked into my life by the name Kay.
I took him less than 3 hours to get in-between my legs. By now my body was already getting used to having sex, so he took it as a good opportunity to keep having sex with me. I actually fell in love with him. He became one major reason I wanted to se the next day because “I WAS IN LOVE” but he was taking by body, my money, my heart, my emotions and I was getting nothing back in return. I was managing the situation since money was not forthcoming but depression became greater then I started taking my mother’s money and then graduated to that of my father. Of course my father caught me and then I had to stop.
So I went back to finding love that comes with money. Then I met Gbemi was working in my Aunt’s office (but of course she didn’t know). I remember I had to tell her I was going to a Holy Ghost night vigil in order to spend the night with Gbemi. We went to the beach at night and later retired to his house at about 1.30am. After having his way, he woke me up at 7a.m and sent me packing on the grounds that his girlfriend was coming at 8a.m and shouldn’t meet me there. That was a terrible experience I couldn’t have forgotten. Imagine! I cried.
In all these experiences (protected and unprotected) somehow I was never pregnant. Maybe God saw that if I did I would have aborted and may not have lived to tell this story.
Kay was still in my life but he was passive: Just coming to spend a night and go but my emotions were tied to him so I was still showing him al the love and care while finding the money somewhere else. Then I gained admission to run a diploma programme in LASU (Lagos State university) and I was now staying in a place where I had quick access to men, money anyway I wanted it. That was where I met Tayo.
In January 2004, I began to pray to God for an admission into the Olabisi Onabanjo University. I told god that if I got into this school I would serve him with my life. Even though I was told it wouldn’t be possible, somehow miraculously it happened. I got the admission and on my first Sunday in one of the campus fellowships, I picked up the worker’s auditioning form. I chose to join the choir but I was sent to the Evangelism department.
Now, I was left alone and a great vaccum had set in which had to be filled. Kay (Prince Charming) had stopped calling and by the time this continued for 2 months I was actually running mad. I would take a long walk with no destination. I became unkempt since I felt no one wanted me. I was so depressed, I ate a lot, I spent recklessly and desperately, I wanted something to fill this vaccum. Then I met Akin. We became friends and then I started having sex with him. But I had grown so addicted that Akin (who was only coming once in a while) could not satisfy me desires. I had to find other alternatives.
I started going to the yahoo chat room to see whether I could meet a guy whose location would be close by (probably in Lagos or Ibadan) on the internet. Of course there were loads of them whom were willing but I picked a few. The first was Lekan. While we chatted, he told me he was in Lagos. I collected his address and not quite long, in search of love, I left school for Lagos and we flowed in bed. I was getting disgusted with my way of life. I lost my sleep. It became so bad that I once took 12 tablets of piriton just to sleep off. Yet I didn’t die but I needed to be loved no matter what; I was bored, lonely e.t.c.
Muyi came back into my life but after a month he left again. Then akin, then Biodun, then Ismail, (I met Biodun & Ismail online yahoo chat room) and as usual we flowed in bed. As a matter of fact I slept with Biodun the same day I chatted with him. We only moved from the chatroom to the bedroom. All these were happening and I was still a part of the workers forum in church. Then the devil took this as an opportunity to afflict me more. I had nightmares, couldn’t sleep, sex in dreams, things chasing me and all sort. I was already a walking corpse so I decided to stop church because the guilt was killing.
Then I went to the Fellowship’s Retreat around November and that was it. I had an encounter with God and I made a decision that I was going to live right. I attended the counseling sessions but I never told anyone the full story because I wasn’t really sure I could let go. The pressure persisted, so much that even after my decision almost fell again. God save me but I was still empty and needed to be loved. So instead of dating unbelievers, I was waiting for the first church boy to pop up the question. Just thought that someday some good guy would walk into my life and that would be it.
Then I came across Femina. I met the School of virtue, I went to the ladies campmeeting 2005 and decided to own up. I brought my past to the open and that was how the healing process began. SOV had helped me by identifying with my rubbish, showing me love and removing my grave clothes from the new me. I mean looking out the old friends who still pop up knocking, calling, sending text messages and begging for what I used to call love. They were still appealing to my ignorance but have since discovered that I now know better.
Do I still feel like having sex? Yes, occasionally the pressure comes again but not like before. Now the Spirit of God in me overshadows all my desires and self-control has become an attitude I don’t struggle to exercise. Sincerely I’m free and if you meet me today, you wouldn’t believe you just read my story. Do I still feel lonely and bored? Yes, because my handset has suffered from a lot of free credit and constant love calls but I’ve learnt to keep busy with God, my bible and my new friends in SOV. I have also become very loyal and dedicated to my fellowship.
I’m still paying heavy prices for my decision which I may not be able to disclose categorically but I have learnt to allow god’s love to fill my heart. I learnt to develop a closer relationship with God, know more of Him, and I met godly and lovely friends. I want you to know that if Jesus could save me, then you can be next in line, even today. It wasn’t easy, it was hard but nothing compares to the peace I now have. My name is Ronke and this is my story. Praise god for me.
Ronke is now a fervent member of the School of Virtue in the Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago-Iwoye. Presently she reaches out to ladies who are going through similar experiences to hers and peradventure you sense that God would want her to reach out to you, why don’t you just send her a mail. She’ld be so glad to be of help to you. You can also take advantage of any SOV phone number to express your heart. God bless you.
© FEMINA magazine (Dec.-Feb. Edition)
Note that under no circumstances should this particular write-up be reproduced or copied, as it would affect he privacy rights of the writer. Such acts would be treated as criminal and would be handed legally.