Despite the accurate knowledge most believers have of the righteous demands of God’s word as per fleeing from (avoiding) sexual immorality, it is interesting to note that several of us still engage in this sin that holds so tightly to us. We fall in love, commence a relationship, we pray together, fellowship together and when the hormones get warm, we fail brakes, grapple for control as the smooching intensifies. Before the cock crows at dawn, the deed is done and the unplanned sex is over. Interestingly most of the believers I’ve counseled fell for it for their first time as they stayed and slept over at their fiancé’s place and amazingly in most of the cases, it was the lady that went to sleep there!
The first time occurrence is the cycle begin point and it is normally hallmarked by tearful cries of “Lord I’m sorry” and a heartfelt repentance, then it happens again, and again, and again… then weariness sets in to repentance; leading us to conclude that God must just understand and the “take me as I am” syndrome attains the status quo! This is the burden of my heart as I write to my single brothers and sisters in the Christian faith presently in one relationship or the other, faced with challenges of spending more and more time with their beloved partners while keeping the relationship unspotted by their hormonal fire especially as there is always a temptation to sleep over for more quality time together as against saying a difficult good night & good bye! Please hear my candid counsel at every such junction: “Don’t sleep there!”
For those who ask why? The reason is very straightforward and simple. It is because you have:
A God to represent: This is the most critical reason two unmarried courting singles should never spend the night alone with each other.When two unmarried Christians in Courtship spend the night together in the same room as if they were already a couple (married) they send forth an odious, irritating aroma of the gospel to the vicinity where they camp. The problem with that act is not just wether sex happens or not but the very act of sleeping together does volumes of havoc to the testimony of Christ in your neighbourhood. The Bible stipulates it clear: Provide things honest before all men. Each one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour. Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye were called (Eph 4:1). Coming out of a brothers room with night gown at 5:30am to use the general toilet is not honest before two men talkless of all. It is tantamount to mocking God when you lock up with the opposite sex (fiancé or fiancée) in your room and wake up to preach to your neighbours against fornication. This has become so rampant that some believers do not even know that courtship (unlike marriage) is not a licence to sleep together! You may not even be having sex but you are not promoting a clear image of the one you are representing in the neighbourhood. Provide things honest before all men! (Rom 12:17). You are not your own, you have a God to represent where you live! It would have been much harder to believe that the baby Jesus is the son of God born of a virgin… if Mary used to sleep in Joseph’s house! Think about this!
A salvation to protect: The Bible says, Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. When it comes to the issue of sexual immorality, consistently the bible keeps insisting on fleeing and avoidance as the key solution apart from a heart devoted to prayers. Yes, it is possible you sleep together with your partner and not have sex but what if it happens? Consider what you stand to loose and compare it with the self denial of avoiding such an event! As long as you do not go near the waters, you have no need to worry or pray against shark bites! Guard; protect your heart with all diligence. Flee all appearances of evil. Do everything possible to make your calling and your election sure.
A body to present: This is the will of God even your sanctification: that ye abstain from sexual immorality. Rom 12.1 says, “Present your bodies as a holy and acceptable sacrifice unto God”. Christian partners in courtship who sleep over in each other’s place normaly hide under the evil excuse that they were still pure because they did not fully have intercourse (i.e entering into each other) and it usually sounds so acceptable and logical unfortunately there is more to immorality than actual entry. More often than not, those people fail to confess all the sexualouter-course; the sucking of lips and breasts, intensive grinding of body parts, fundling of each others naked or partially covered bodies, holding of private parts amidst several screams and giggles. Activities they may never be bold to bring to the light. Secret deeds of men done behind closed doors in the dark against the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit they carried within. When they manage to hold back from the final stage, they stop and gradually convince themselves that they did not sin… Yet so much grace and virtue like massive barrels had leaked away as the licked, touched and ground each other in the dark. Don’t sleep there!! Because a little hug talk less of a kiss, in the bedroom over the night would spark 10,000 times more fire than any other, a fiery fire that may defy all stop signals till it has burnt up all your divine deposits accumulated over many years.
A generation to lead: In the final analysis, no matter how hard and loud you preach, People follow what they see. They re-interprete your message by your life. Every believer is a leader, no matter who you think you are, small or big, someone out there is watching your life to model his or her own…. Unfortunately, most of the people we have unknowingly misled, we may never know! Some people gave in to sexual immorality all because they saw the sister they respected so much sleeping over in the house of her unmarried partner. This is the reason why the name of God is blasphemed among the heathen… THIS IS THE CAUSE when unbelievers (who would never follow us in) laugh at our sexual purity message. Note that whenever you tell your brother, neighbour to please help u accommodate your fiance on a visit to you from afar…. You have preached more messages to him and your neighbourhood than a thousand sermons on Sunday.
An account to give: For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body…(2Cor 5:10)
So what are the situations or excuses that normally tempt two unmarried lovers into sleeping over at the others place??? So far, I would itemize the common excuses I have seen and also prescribe an alternative way out of these in order to help all those who are sincere indeed in their quest to keep their body sanctified for the Lords use:
We are far apart from each other thus have to travel long distances to see and talk: Utilize all available communication technology to keep yourself connected and when you must see each other, plan and confirm where you would sleep before you travel. Ask him or her in plain terms, “Where am I going to sleep?” and don’t accept “don’t worry” as an answer. It is the responsibility of your host to arrange where you would pass the night otherwise, secure an arrangement for that by yourself. If he
We can sleep over without having sex: Surprisingly, it sounds innocent to many. Even if we assume you are right, what of the God you have to represent? It’s not just about if you had sex but already you are rubbishing the message we preach before the heathen.
He would sleep on the floor while I use the bed: Hmm, when the weather becomes hot or cold, the floor becomes the bed and the bed becomes the floor so where do you run? Under the same roof behind locked doors with someone you love is too much temptation not to keep warm with each other when you are not yet duly married.
Since we were going for a vigil, we decided to rest together first: Most likely the vigil would take place in that bedroom as it had happened to several already. Preferably, why not arrange that you both arrive at the vigil earlier than scheduled so that you can have enough time to discuss and catch up on all the news.
He works all day and even on weekends: Night is the only time available! Go to your pastor’s house or any other place both of you can safely communicate deep into the night.
I went to visit and the rains just didn’t stop till it was too late in the night: The rains have been the cause of so many unwanted pregnancies and abortions carried out especially by believers. Depending on the kind of house; Are there not neighbours one of you can pass the night with? e.g hall mates? Are others in that house? Where there are none, first begin by exposing the situation. Call your father in the Lord, discipler, pastor or anyone who has spiritual oversight over you and inform him or her that you are stuck in your partner’s house. Also try to alert one or two other people (This is to ensure accountability as you would both know someone would be asking you about what transpired between you). Consider other options… but by no means sleep on the same bed.
She couldn’t find her key or his estate gates were already locked so the need to revert back to sleep over: Why is your house considered as an option? Supposing she went for an official function and got home that late, where would she have slept if she weren’t your fiancé. The truth is one would always find a very logical and understandable excuse for any evil one has really desired to enjoy!
He was terribly ill and I just couldn’t leave him, I had to be there with him: It’s okay if you’re in the hospital, at least, there would be several other patients there and you can’t sleep on his or her hospital bed so, no problem but if it’s in the house, then you have to show your care with great caution because Amnon was also on the sick bed when Tamar was raped by him. Meanwhile sexual excitement can suddenly make even a very sick man perform wonders when let loose!!
She just got a job around here and has no place to stay, moreover our wedding is just by the corner: Permit me to ask: Supposing she wasn’t your fiancé, would she lodge on the trees? Secondly, if indeed you are sincere, upright and of good report in your environment, there should at least be one female friend who can help host your wife to be for the period. In the worst case scenario, why don’t you just vacate the house for her and be personally banned from sleeping there.
Robbers came to her house the night before, so she’s scared: Again I ask: Supposing she wasn’t your fiancé, where would she sleep? A friends place (fellow sister), her pastors place, with a family relative, e.t.c. She could visit (or invite down to her place) any of her siblings or probably travel down to her family to recover psychologically. Since you yourself may not have been able to confront the robbers, why go ahead to offend the God that mercifully kept them from shooting her down.
We went for a function and they assigned a room to both of us: Sometimes its even on visits to meet the guys parents especially when the parents are favourably opined to premarital sex. Immediately they assign the room, tell them point blank that both of you cannot sleep together in the same room until you are married. By so doing, you are preaching more gospel than a thousand sermons on Sunday morning. Seek an alternative arrangement even if it means sleeping on the rug. The testimony and honour accrued to your God would be more than worth it.
His Parents invited me over to spend the weekend: Same as above. Such parents must know your stand and integrity and they must not be allowed to water it down and in cases where they must be avoided, let the host move out of the room. Never allow a situation where the parents vacate the house for both of you. In such cases increase your alertness against sin, quickly re-arrange and maximize your chances to run.
Generally: Nevertheless, despite all that must be done, there still remains no justification to do anything contrary to the tenets of our common faith. That unfeigned faith which was once delivered to our fathers. Thank God for blackberry (two bb users can ping), whatsapp (a universal chat platform), skype (we can make video & voice calls easily), 2go, yahoo messenger, facebook messenger and all the other messengers available for us on both internet and mobile internet platforms. Thank God for mtn, glo, etisalat, airtel, multilinks, starrcomms, e.t.c. and their wonderful bonus services e.g xtracool…. All these applications are available for our use to keep our communication lines open even over great distances. Some fifteen years ago, most of these facilities were not available in Nigeria, yet never a time has there been such arrogant levels of sexual immorality in the body of Christ as it is today. Intending couples couldn’t make free all night calls, chat online talkless of ping, etc yet despite being as far apart as we normally are today, they built better foundations for stronger marriages than we see at these end times. How did they do it? Today we chat, ping, skype, facebook, whatsapp, 2go, extra-cool all night and yet … it is that very one that God said we must not do that we must do.
Interestingly, we do it (premarital sexual outer-course and intercourse) and still minister at the altar, leading the worship, playing the drums, coordinating the service and even delivering the message on God’s behalf. We have gotten so used to God’s mercy that there is no more aorta of His fear left in our hearts. King Abimelech slept on the same bed with Rebecca and without touching her, all the ladies in his house had already gone barren, in fact God called him dead! (Gen.20:3,18). Samson took a nap on the wrong foam and it cost him his two eyes, his spiritual grace, his call and then his life. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1Pe 5:8). There is a global divine treasure in you at stake, Don’t sleep there!