Tunde and Bisi have broken up! After 2 years? Biodun and Bose just broke up last week! He came back from service year and that was it: 3 years courtship, torn to shreds! Kunle finally wrote from the US, only for him to declare that he was no longer interested. I’m sure you’re familiar with these stories. They seem to be happening everyday and if you are in courtship right now with a brother, you would agree with me that there’s a good reason for the question: Are you sure?

Gone are the days when a lady can relax once she’s found a Christian brother on fire for the Lord. She could be rest assured that a blissful marriage is already sure and secured. Many have placed their entire confidence on the spirituality and trustworthiness of a highly respected brother. I’m sure you’ve heard stories of how disastrous and shocking their disappointments have been? So many ladies have had their emotions completely crashed, some others have cried heavy tears that refuse to dry and some are still crying, even now!

Quietly, in the heart of every lady, she wants to know if truly, she’s the one this guy loves or she’s just one of the multitudes of loved ladies around him. She really wants to be sure she’s not being deceived. Coupled with the fact that ladies out there, are so desperate to get any good guy to marry, she’s not sure of her stand. Anytime the Mr. or Bro. fails to fulfill a promise or meet up with an appointment, the deep question rings again, “Are you sure???” Sincerely, a lady in the heat of a relationship cannot really count how many times she asks that question. This is a major cause of her several hours of deep thoughts (an example of what men can never return/reconcile when they break a relationship).

Dear reader, can I ask you? Are you sure of that brother? Will he be true to you? Will e keep faith with you in the toughest of times? What of when unavoidable circumstances put some distance in-between you (e.g. NYSC, job transfer, etc): Now that he’s abroad, would he actually come back for you? Would he in the face of desperate lovers in his far away location; still reserve your place for months? Or for few years? Will he wait for you? Or will he later change his mind? Can you give an answer? Are you sure…

If you will be sincere, you would agree with me that you are not in any proper position at all to answer any of the above questions. As a matter of fact if you supplied any answers to the above, I’m afraid, you are just guessing. The truth is ONLY DIVINITY CAN SUPPLY YOU WITH THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS. It takes divinity to know what will happen that has not happened. Or can you by any means ever see the desperately wicked heart of a man. Sorry Ma, only god has that equipment, you don’t.

The God who made man said that his heart is desperately wicked and that no one can know it. Not even you, my dear sister. Only God! Only God, I repeat, can guarantee a relationship between a brother and a sister. He alone can make the brother “ZIP UP” when another lady “ZIPS DOWN” on him. This is the crux of this article.

Since only the Lord can guarantee a man for marriage; it will be like playing pool with your life to go ahead into a relationship with a man when you possess a dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with the Lord Himself. Just imagine the kind of uncertainty of heart with which you will go into and through courtship and into marriage if you ever survive to that point at all? Dear Reader, why don’t you reconcile with Jesus and let Him be your guarantor. Without Jesus you can never be sure! You will only continue with gambling and getting jilted. How I wish you made up your mind right now and offer up your life to Christ. Even as you read this article, open up your heart and Jesus will hear you and come in for your deliverance.

So many times, I marvel at sisters or ladies who begin to base their trust on a fiancé on the premise of his goodwill, actions, words and sense of commitment displayed so far. Dear reader, even if Bro. is a senior pastor; that has nothing to do with the issue of a desperately wicked heart. The God who made man said that his heart is desperately wicked but that ONLY HIM CAN KNOW IT. Not you! Only God can guarantee. There is no point hanging on his words because he may not mean it, neither his actions because, it may not reflect his heart.

Rather than trust him why don’t you just trust God for him. These two are very different issues. Trusting a man is not the same thing as trusting God for him. Trusting God for a man will make you rely on what God told you about him and not what he told you. It will make divine conviction and continuous heartfelt prayers the bedrock of your relationship and not the sea of love letters and cards with which he physically expressed himself. Trusting God for a man will make you continuously receive the answer to the ringing question from the Lord himself and stop struggling to convince yourself that he loves you. It will make you have a constant answer irrespective of his actions, whether encouraging or discouraging.

Have you ever wondered why some women will go to the extent of asking a babalawo (traditional spiritualist) to tie their husband’s heart to them? They eat concoctions, make incisions on their body, take the guy’s name or photograph to an herbalist; in fact, some would constantly have sex with him, just for him to stick to them. Is it not the “Are you sure…” matter? The bible says that the people of this world are in their own generation wiser than the children of light. I don’t blame their intention, I only query their evil means.

But while an ungodly girl will do all in her capacity to secure the heart of her intending husband in this highly competitive world, a godly believer would simply relax in praise worship once she is sure that God brought them together. She stops all the serious tear-dropping prayers of “Give me my husband” and she expects God to work everything out automatically from that point forward. She sits down there idly saying, “My fiancé is born again; he knows what is right and wrong, he cannot misbehave!”

Dear sister, that brother can misbehave! As long as he is human, he can turn back on his words! Even if he is the personal assistant to the bishop. Remember Jesus said “While men slept, an enemy came and sowed tares…” this is a very great evil many holy Christian sisters should repent of: Sleeping at watch hour. Wake up from your slumber and cry to God regularly for this brother not to fall into temptation. As strong as Uriah was, he fell down dead when Israel left him alone to fight in a battle. You need to tighten up your prayer belts if the enemy won’t succeed with you. Know that, that brother has a lot to combat if he will stay true to you, especially if he is the kind of brother any sister would like to marry. Seduction has found a seat in the church talk less of the streets; some desperate sisters are ready to cook with the anointing oil for him to choose them. Of course, you are not the only one seeing that he is responsible and appropriate for a husband. As a child of God, you cannot go to the Babalawo, you dare not offer him sex, if you would be true to Jesus. So how can you be careless in praying about him and for him seeing that this is the only powerful and righteous thing that you can do.

My heart breaks each time I hear the news that a Bro. and sis. In courtship have concluded that it is now the will of God for them to break up as for me, I don’t always believe that they were initially wrong. Though most of the time, such relationships were not appointed by God but it is not always the case! Sometimes, it’s just a case of “While men slept, an enemy came and sowed tares…” In a world where 7 women shall lay hold on the skirt of one correct man (Isa.4), it takes the same level of prayer it took you to get a fiancé to maintain one till wedding day and even after. These are the days of working out your own salvation with fear and trembling. If you ever make a mistake of going to sleep like several sisters have done already, you will only wake up one day to shout, “An enemy has done this…!” Herein lies the call for a new generation of vigilant sisters who would not only listen carefully to the voice of the Holy Spirit to know who Bro. Godswill is; but will also keep listening to His voice (in the relationship) to keep knowing who he is at present.

Dear reader, this is the only way you can be really sure, not because he promised you. NO! Not because he expresses deep love for you, NO! But because God, the Alpha, the All-knowing keeps assuring you. The one who sees the hearts of men and looks straight into their deep intentions. He is the best anchor for a sure relationship. He is the answer to the ringing questions. So I challenge you, the next time the deep question rings, “Are you sure…?” Turn to God and take your answers from him and stop answering it by grading his actions. Let God assure you as you daily commit it into His hands. And if the Lord answers you in the negative, then cry out to Him for help. He’ll surely tell you what to do. A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. So let me ask you again, “Are you sure…?”

Solape Coker

© FEMINA magazine Vol.2No.2