I WISH I KNEW BEFORE…

Many a times, we pass through situations we wish we had pre-informed knowledge about. We simply wish someone had spoken to us about them; we wish an angel had whispered some s into our ears . . .  And even when such voices spoke to us, we wish we had listened…
As a 17 year old beautiful young girl I gained admission into a prestigious University but ever before gaining the admission I had the misconception that when you’re in the University, you’ve become a big girl with the rare previledge to do anything you wanted/wished to do. So before leaving home, I made up my mind that I was going to enjoy my life on campus to the fullest and as though the devil himself were ready to assist me in the destructive path, I met Shade as my first, entry level, bossom friend …
Shade was the uptown, upbeat and highly social and partying kind of girl. She had a boyfriend with whom she spends more than half of her nights on campus and to her … Sex was a kind of fun no beautiful girl should miss out on. The funny contrast about Shade was that she still went to a Bible teaching Church on Sundays. It wasnt long before shade became my mentor and because I had no boyfriend at that time, her first task was to arrange one for me. She  introduced me to a guy by the name, “Deolu” who with the cooperation of Shade soon became my own very boyfriend. Deolu showered me with lots of gifts both in cash and kind and at this time I felt so on top of the world and grateful to God for a life of pleasure I had never tasted before.
The feeling of a young guy adoring me was quite uncontestable by any parental care. Initially, Deolu wasnt asking for sex but we got pecking and necking, then after some time we gave in to kissing and staring into each other’s eye as if we were both looking for a speck to pull out. Then, as that rolled on and on, it wasnt too long before the ultimate happened … On one of those days, as we stared … We had sex! Sex was cool at first but little did i know that there was more to it than the body tanglings. It soon became an everyday affair, a point of duty, a 5-unit course so difficult to carry over as my emotions and ours adjusted to the heat. This relationship went on for about a year and all this while I was also (just like my mentor – Shade) quite commited to the church. Then something I’d always dreaded happened… I got pregnant!!!
There was no doubt about it, though I never saw it coming my way with all the seldom precautions we normally ensured but all the tests showed positive. I told Shade, but she blamed me for being so unproffessional about the game, so I let it out to Deolu. Both of us being young and naive, we ran to Deolu’s sister who gave us some drugs to use to abort the baby but alas!! The drugs did not work. Deolu’s sister now took them to an abortionist who offered to help them evacuate the baby. But the abortionist would not agree to do it this time. He said, he did not just feel like doing it for this particular baby.
We went to meet another one who happened to be a major in that trade but after examining me, he said, “my dear, you’ld have to come back tomorrow. I can’t do it now”. So we settled for the abortion to be done on the next day and so it was. The next day, the job was finished within 10 minutes and everyone heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank God!” It’s over!: The shame, the trauma, the haunting thoughts of a bleak future, e.t.c … all gone!
That was it. It was more of a sigh of relief and a feeling of escape than a remorse for doing wrong. Rather than wake up to the reality of a life lost in sin, we resolved with greater determination to keep sex out of the game and to be more careful with each other lest such an incidence would re-occur. That was it … but before we knew it, the whole cycle started again. We began to indulge in sexual intercourse again. We couldnt help it. It just continued…
Unfortunately, some few months down the line, I got pregnant again. At that point, God arrested my soul and I made up my mind not to abort the pregnancy. Deolu got wind of this decision and flared up! These were his words … “NO!! NEVER!! You can’t afford to keep this pregnancy! Do you want to ruin my life? Can’t you think? We’re just in 200level! Do you want to destroy my destiny?” I got Deolu’s brother and sister aware of this development and they all agreed to stand by my decision. At that point, Deolu argued that he wasn’t responsible for the pregnancy but he later changed his mind and decided to abide with my decision. About 4 months into the pregnancy, somehow I lost the baby and I had to undergo evacuation under general anaesthesia. Again, God helped me through it and I came out whole.
Two weeks after the evacuation, I started bleeding profusely. I was taken back to the hospital and was closely examined but the cause was unknown. I continued bleeding for about a month and later an infection set in. During this time, I was so devastated and then I cried out to God for help. I reached out to God like never before and He heard me. Again, God restored my soul and my body was whole again. Then the Bombshell!! After I left the hospital, I got this stinker note below from Deolu:
“Dear Friend, I just thought it would be better to let you know that I can never marry any lady who has had an abortion”
Wao!! What a note! Ask me who de-flowered me? Who impregnated me? Who did I have d abortion for? Whose baby and with whose decision did I abort? Who started me on this journey I got myself into? Curse him!!!!!, exactly how I felt… But again, I heard what I should have heard. I heard the voice of God’s word tugging my heart. I sought for my pastor, I confessed all my sins, narrated the whole ordeal and repented of all. It was over with Deolu, over with Shade, over with my errorneous lifestyle and right there and then I re-dedicated my life to Christ (this time, for real) and this became the beginning of the new me.
Some months thereafter, I saw a copy of Femina Magazine in my archives and remembered that a friend had given this to me during my early days on campus but somehow I didnt just read it. It was titled, “I wish I was born” … the cry of the aborted child. I couldnt help my tears as I cried … I wish I knew … Going through the truths revealed in the magazine, I cried and committed my heart to stick to God’s way. God has been helping me a great deal since then. I also enroled in the SOV Lifestyle & Leadership Academy (SLALA), where I’d learnt so much on the way God intended that we lived our lives but sincerely, I wish I knew earlier. I wish I had this level of understanding from 100L. I wish I didnt have to experience all that had happened… I wish I read what you are reading now and my prayer for YOU is that, you will never end up, either quietly or in public, crying: I wish I knew…  NOW you know!!!
This is a true life story and a personal testimony of Amaraolu, an SOV member at the Ladoke Akintola University, Ogbomoso, Nigeria.
(c) FEMINA ISSUE 6